And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
