Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
