you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
