New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
