so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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