I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
