Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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