Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
