just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
