VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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