i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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