I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
