If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
