I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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