If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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