Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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