4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
