I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
