Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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