He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
