She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
