so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
