12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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