U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
