I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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