He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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