i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize