I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
