i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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