I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
