turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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