Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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