I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
