i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
