my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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