Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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