Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
