I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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