so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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