Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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