Your tits are I can't wait for
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
