i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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