Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
