I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
