meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
