My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
