i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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