chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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