WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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