It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
