I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
