My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
