in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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