How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
