Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
