i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
