She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
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John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize