So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
