i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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