I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
