Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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