Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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