it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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