I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
