All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
