I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
