You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
