I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
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Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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