Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
